Ron just found out today that he was not selected to be a part of the Apprenticeship program... We are just devastated.... We moved here and have been waiting on them for almost 9 months.... I feel like we hope, we pray, we try so hard to have Faith and stay positive....Yet every door just slams shut... I am so done!! Just done.... I started crying tonight and could not stop...
One of the girls on my forum got pregnant 1 week before I did... She only has 9 weeks left till she is due.. I am so happy for her, I know she has experienced loss like I can not imagine... But it still made me think of my Butter bean..... and what it would be like to be 7 months pregnant right now.... I was so happy, I loved being pregnant more than anything...
I feel as if life is one big cruel joke... What are we going to do... I feel as if I can not do anything right.... I want to scream..... I look around and everyone is pregnant.. I met a girl the other day and they had just taken her IUD out and she is pregnant. I made the mistake of asking how long they had been trying... She replied giggling "ummmmmmmmmm, maybe 2 weeks". Yeah, that felt good!!!
I am so bitter right now.... I think I will go crawl in bed.... I know in the very bottom of my heart that Ron and I will have a baby!! But why does it have to be so hard.. Everything is so hard... I want something to work out......
3 comments:
Erin, I am really sorry you are feeling this way. I am sorry that your butter bean was lost, but I believe in my heart, my head, and everywhere else that you guys will have a baby and you will be amazing parents. Maybe God is letting you get settled before giving you a baby on top of everything. Maybe if you move to Texas you will be pregnant again before you know it. It is always tough to see others get pregnant, have a healthy nine months, and deliver and you wonder something should have happened by then. When we lost Amaris I was always wondering "why them and not me" but I have come to understand that God doesn't give us things we can't handle and everything happens for a reason. I will be thinking of you!
I'm sorry Erin.
I know that does not really help. I wish there was something I could do or say to make all your sadness go away.
Things are going to work out. It's hard to see it now, but someday, you'll have a baby (or 2) and Ron will hava a great job, you'll be done with school working a great job, and you'll look back at this entry and realize everything in life happens for a reason. We don't always get to know the reason why, but there is always a reason.
Try and stay positive. And feel free to vent whenever you want to us.
Love & Hugs!
It is not fair.
I am sorry.
It will happen for you though, I can feel it.
((hug))
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