I had a small meltdown last night... I do not think I am pregnant and then beat myself up for believing that I was at 5 DPO! Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. It is bad enough that I believed, but then I shared my belief w/ Ron and in my Blog and on EverythingBaby!! I was feeling pretty embarrassed to say the least... So I decided I would delete my post...but just couldn't do it.... I think I will leave it as a testimony to my stupidity!
I feel like a whiner! A big fat whiner!!! I was pregnant, I lost it at 8 weeks.... It was hard, I need to just get over it.... But some days i just can't.... I cried last night because I loved being pregnant! I loved everything about it.. I had never felt so alive.... In that one month I had thought of everything... What color their eyes would be, their hair, would it be curly, daycare, Mother's Day, the way my DH would look when he first held our new Baby....My mind never stopped working in that wonderful month.....
Today I want to crawl back into bed and have another good cry, but I have to get myself dressed and go to school... Why is life so hard sometimes? Why can't I just be "over it", why is it so hard to move on, Why can't good people who want Babies just have sex, get, pregnant and nine months later have a healthy Beautiful Baby??? SO many questions????
2 comments:
(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry Erin. I can't imagine how you are feeling. And I don't know why things happen in life. I think just to see how strong we really are.
I think your really really strong. And you should not feel bad about crying or having break downs. It's the natural process of grieving.
You are so loved.
I'm praying that you get pregnant really soon!
Love and Baby Dust!
I am sorry Erin.
(((hugs))
The mind can be so cruel. So many times I refused to get hopeful, only to be fooled in the final few days, think I might be pg, and then cry when AF showed.
I hope you are pg soon. You deserve it so much.
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