5:00 AM

Not sure what to write about.. It is 5:00 am Saturday morning..... my day to sleep in, and yet I have this terrible headache and neck pain, so here I am on the computer wondering what in the world to write about.

It has been quite a week, I think I am busier now than when I worked... My DH and I went to see a Psychic Show on Thursday in Seattle. We have been a few times and it is fun. This time their was a woman that was giving readings after. She is a Shamanic Healer, her name was Melissa. For some reason I had been drawn to her all night. I was in the very back of the room and she sat in the very front of the room and yet I just kept staring at her... When the show ended she was introduced and we were told she would give readings. So I just had to tell her that I was drawn to her and she had such good energy. I am a very empathetic person and very sensitive to the people around me, so much so that sometimes I will pick up their moods , feelings etc and wonder where it came from... I know it sounds weird, but I have been like this since I was a child. People I do not know will come up to me and talk to me about their problems or tragedies. There is nothing Special about it, it is just me and I have been blessed w/ empathy. Anyway back to Melissa. I told her I did not need a reading just wanted her to know how "beautiful" she was and how much good energy surrounded her... She thanked me and held my hand for a moment and then asked if I had just recently suffered a loss... I said" yes I did".. She said "she wants me to tell you that she wasn't ready, do you understand that?" I was quiet for a little while and then told her that I had had a miscarriage and yes I did understand it. She then went on to tell me that it was definately a little girl and that nothing I did made this happen and that my little one said "I must let her go, I must greive for her and let her go so that other children will come....She said she just was not ready yet." I of course started crying right there... It was so strange and yet so amazing.... How did she know, I didn't say anything... I think she truly has a gift to help people heal... I know that I walked away feeling so drained, so tired. But I felt better, if that makes sense???

I never knew how hard it would be to try and have a baby, I thought it would be so easy... But it has been one of the hardest journeys I have ever been on... But I will not give up, I will continue to fight for a baby, for a family, for my dreams..... I will have a Baby!!!